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YESSSS! But I think I’m interested in a different girl. I...

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:09:39 -0400

YESSSS! But I think I’m interested in a different girl. I gave up early on Rachel because well… I just know things wouldn’t work out and I think she should stay with her boyfriend. Good thing that I wasn’t all that emotionally invested in her. She was pretty and intelligent though. I wish her the best. :)

Having a hardcore attraction to my senior friend.

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:01:46 -0400

Having a hardcore attraction to your senior friend. <- WAS me for the majority of the year. -____-

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Thu, 23 May 2013 22:55:03 -0400

I want a girlfriend. Ugh. I’m in one of those moods where...

Thu, 23 May 2013 22:44:00 -0400

I want a girlfriend. Ugh. I’m in one of those moods where you just want to fall head-over-heels in love with somebody. I’m just too undesirable. I want to doll myself up but I don’t want to be hurt if I try and fail. Gosh. I just want somebody to have feelings for, care about and invest time and money in. Most days Bella (my kitten), is enough. I still can’t help but wonder though. But yeah so I hope I can find a nice girl. I can never tell the difference between if I’m feeling love, lust or infatuation… :’c

Giving up.

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:53:06 -0400

I neglected to mention… I think? That my uncle and I also had a fight last Sunday and he called the police on me. Nothing became of it though. He’s a fucking loon. Anyways, I read “My Friend Dahmer” it was interesting. That’s because some guy at my local library decided he was going to wave my impending fees for me. It was extremely nice. I got a good portion of homework done but not all of it. I have several projects to do. Luckily I only have a two day week this week. Tomorrow and Wednesday. So that works out nicely. Anyways as the title suggests… I don’t think I should get my hopes up on girls anymore. I still have “fragment” feelings for Vanessa but she got back with Dakota so I’m shit out of luck. Besides, I don’t think she ever liked me anyways. There are two other girls that I sort of liked as well named Rachel and Jaquelyn but it’s ditto for them. I’ve got the two worst things going for me, being ugly and boring. Not to mention the fact that I’m short and stubby and not overly intelligent. So what’s the use. I mean I could try and doll myself up and stuff but if it didn’t work I’d be crushed. Hopeless. More Unicorn Kid. And ACDC songs. Weird combo. I over-ate today. Weighing in at around 110 lbs right now I think? I want to lose more but I’m afraid my hair will fall out worse and stuff. God I wish I was hot and interesting. With a small frame and mucho intelligence. Alas, I got stuck with the short end of the stick. Literally. Is there any hope for an ugly, boring person? I’m not even funny. T_______________T I’ve been getting the urge to throw up but my teeth are fucked up already. No sense in ruining them even more. Might as well just reduce my calorie intake. I almost have enough side money for that wallet. Another $5 and I’ll be good to go and grab it from the mall. :3

Excuse my absence but a lot of shit has happened.

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:31:42 -0400

Namely, I’ve been a vegetarian since the beginning of May. I lost around of 10 pounds and weigh between 107-111 pounds. I’m catching up in school but I have to repeat one course for sure. I’m working on saving the others. I spent a week in the psych ward of a new hospital that was built down in Okotoks. They called it South Campus or South Ward. hen I spent a week in WH. It was a horrible experience. I missed my cat the entire time. My father was arrested for a physical altercation we had on the Sunday leading up to me being comitted. Em, I know I didn’t really have many friends but if anything, that’s gotten worse… I am currently looking for a new job. I’m renting a basement. Ughhhhh. I finally got a blood test and everything is in order. Now I need to visit the dentist and a skin doctor. I’m such a retard I forgot… oh! A dermatologist. There we go. I don’t eat as much anymore. I try to stay under 1000 calories a day. My ribs show, my collar and hip bones show, I have bruises all over my skin now. All of the obvious signs. Listening to Unicorn Kid. Funny thing is that I still get stretchmarks. I’m saving up my side moneys for a wallet that says “Official Female Body Inspector” on a badge. It’s the shit. It suits me so well. I got over Vanessa. Finally. I have a small crush on a girl I met named Rachel. She’s in a relationship but she might be a lesbian so she’s unsure of if she wants to keep being with her guy. Dangerous sounding I know. I didn’t tell her anything. I just want to try becoming closer friends. We’re only aquaintances right now. Besides, she lives on the other end of the city. She’s so beautiful though. I’m creepy. Anyways, she’s really fair with freckles and she’s a ginger. I know I’m a bi-sexual but I have such a strong preference for women. It’s not even funny. My cat is being a little shit and keeps escaping into the laundry room through a hole in the ceiling. I might start getting into make-up. I don’t know. I still think it makes me look like I’m trying to hard to make ugly pretty. I’m stuffed and content off of rice cakes. A little cold though. Despite being wrapped in a knit blanket. I have piles of homework and a resume on top of that to do in the next two days. Which I have off. I read somebody’s diary that I found. They weren’t too happy when they found me snooping in it. I think I should mind my own buisness and everything but I fell into temptation that time. I kind of want hot chocolate but I’m full. Mweh ._____. I’ll continue blogging later I guess. I need to just do nothing for now. I still like gore and horror and fantasize and stuff but I’ve been so busy I haven’t had much time for my hobbies. Besides, I lost my tablet somewhere in here and it has all of my favorite “darker, grosser”? Type of things on it. ;___;

Dear Lord.

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 21:58:17 -0400

More notifications for the depression parkour picture. I’m on the verge of jut deleting the picture. Anyways, my mother has been trying to build a relationship ith me which is conflicting. She tells me that she’s thinking about leaving my old man. So anyways, I hung out wih Meagan, K S. and Cole yesterday after staying at Mackenzie’s until 8:30 or so. Anyways they didn’t want me there originally but I came anyways. So we mde faces, talked and rode the bus together. That’s it. I met K S. for the first time and she told me to add her on Facebook which I will later tonight. And Facebook Meagan. I don’t know if she’ll respond though. She’ll probably be boozed up. I hve a new batch of stretch marks. I’m not THAT fat. I don’t understand this shit. My skin isn’t THAT dry either. FUCK. I just watched the un-cut version of A Serbian Film. I can honestly say that it’s worse than being high. A lot of it was hot but it made my head ache and I feel light-headed. It fills you. Like you’ve just eaten your share at a high-end restaraunt. I reccomend it to those who like gore and stuff. SPOILERS: It contains necrophilia, no-teeth mouth fucking, murder, eye-socket fucking, pedophilia, incest, rape, and all sorts of other ”alternative” genres of the sort. I made clay chibis of Darth Maul and Obiwan Kenobi before I watched A Serbian Film. They look a little fucked up but they’re alright. I want to re-create my derpy version of their fight in The Phantom Menace. Also, from A Serbian Film, the guy Milos… his dick was just… there’s no way. It was a monster cock. Em… I don’t know right now. What to write mean. Before I left Kenzie’s house we hugged. She and Cole were the first people I’ve hugged in a while. Meagan too. I guess. So, I just realized I forgot to give my cat fresh water. I always re-place the old water. When I finish writing this I will go and get her nice, fresh cold water. Apparently her father witnessed something happen which concerns him. Mackenzie says I am welcome to either house anytime. I don’t know. My student councellor thinks I’m broken. Fuck her. I’m fine. I smell bad though. I need to go and get a shower. I missed the comic expo but I’m going to the manga/anime one so I’ll hit the comic expo next year. I feel weird right now. And hungry. I don’t know if that’s for food or to watch the film again. Probably food, I’m such a fatty. I think I have become more boring lately. Also everyone has been giving me disgusted looks. Whenever I feel very tired people give me that look. I hate it. It makes me so mad and self-aware. I need to take a break from the internet and reflect. I want to draw explicit pornography and art. I’m sure I’ll get around to it. Anyways I need to get that water for kitty and eat lunch/dinner. :) <- I don’t know if that emoticon accurately represents my emotion right now. Maybe along with :S, :I, :D, :B, :}, :]. What am I talking about. Crazy. Bye. My head is I don’t know. My sentences aren’t complete before I switch topics. I’m rambling. BYE.

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Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:54:23 -0400

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Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:53:00 -0400

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Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:52:33 -0400

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Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:51:30 -0400

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Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:50:32 -0400

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Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:50:09 -0400

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Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:49:46 -0400

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Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:49:21 -0400

wolframharted: There is no tragedy greater then the loss of a...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 22:45:39 -0400

wolframharted:

There is no tragedy greater then the loss of a child.

As much as I feel animosity toward Jill and as much as she should have done something or gone to the police she was a character motivated by pure love. She’s proof that people will do anything for the one they care about.

I wish I could be in a relationship like that. Not the serial killer part, but to be somebody’s heart would be amazing.

Saw.

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 19:35:11 -0400

John and Jill are so cute together. Anyways, way too much attention from that depression parkour picture. So my head has been hurting very badly lately. Maybe I have a brain tumor or something. It used to be exclusively at the front but I feel it atthe back too. My head is always warm and has a slight burning feeling. My head is a little small for my age as well. My cat has calmed down. I did a shit load of homework only to find out that it wasn’t being collected and we got a series of pop-quizzes instead which I got zeros for because I wasn’t there. Fuck me. I might flunk hardcore this year. I have been watching a lot of Saw lately. I love it. John has such an interesting way of dealing with people. I had a cookies and milk snack. My social worker has in fact closed the entire case on me. I don’t feel happy or sad. Just a little bit lost. Like I’m swimming in ocean waters with a visible island in the distance but no matter how hard I swim I can’t reach it. It just keeps getting farther away. My depression is still being extremey wishy washy. My friend Evan who has liked agirl named Liz… both of which are friends has liked her for a few years. They’re the classic more than best friends type. Anyways, at first she said she wasn’t ready for a boyfriend but now she’s gone and gotten herself a boyfriend despite knowing how he felt about her. He was going to ask her out again on Tuesday. Ah whatever. She’s moving schools and they’re slowly drifting apart. Cool, cool. I’m gonna learn how to play Yu Gi Oh. Now then… my eyes hurt. I feel lonely. My random thought pattern over the last few months concerns me bcause it’s out of character. Gotta do some homework. Bored to death. Cry myself to sleep. Trying to get somebody’s skype but this shit cock phone doesn’t work… Just gonna get another snack and sit here. I want to post more tumblr pictures but I’m feeling lazy.

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Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:34:45 -0400

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Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:34:19 -0400

I didn't leave yet.

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:30:00 -0400

I don’t want to go. I’m sad. Maybe anxious. Maybe lonely. Definitely sad though. Let me ruin my life. They tried to help m though. They put in the effort for me and I’m sipping anyways. They’ll tell me it’s my fault but I can’t go. I just can’t go right now. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that’s it.